Got to (re)start somewhere

Inspiration. Motivation. Perspiration,

Over 4 years ago I started this blog to lose the baby weight. It's fluxed, but for the most part, weight hasn't done much than sit there. And sit and sit and sit. But, that's mostly because I sat and sat and sat.

Well, this year I decided not on a New Years resolution, but a slow and painful reshaping of my mindscape. My goal will always be to put my family first. Not myself, but my family. But the more I realized that this will only happen from the inside out, I decided that there were a couple of fundamentals I needed to tweak.

I am a fairly confident person, but somewhere over the years I had it in my mind that I was comfortable in not putting myself out there. Over the past year, I've made strides to change this. There were some opportunities that would have had Susan-of-8-years ago say, "that's a headache I don't want, so 'no'." But now, I've decided for a lot of the things I have the initial thought of turning down, I'll stop and think and then make myself say yes.

Take the fashion show I just did last night. A few months ago when we first heard of this in its planning stages, I knew they wanted models, but I was going to volunteer my time as stage manager so that I didn't have to be in front of people. All 150lbs of me. (I miss the 125lb Susan, but that was in another lifetime.) So, when I spoke to the lady in charge, I found myself saying I'd be a model. And it felt alright.

I'm not going to lie - I'm looking at the pictures this morning and I'm cringing. In the realm of comparing fruit to body-type, I'm a combination of pear and apple. Or a slightly triangular watermelon.

Now, for those who are not used to my tone, I don't go to humor to be coddled. It's to amuse me while I reflect. I don't need the automatic "don't say that" or even advice. I just talk this way to get through my thoughts =)

So, why am I saying 'yes' to the things I wouldn't usually even consider? Because no matter what body type, I have to be ok. I have to act ok. I have to show my daughter that beautiful is confidence, kindness and the ability to make others feel at home. Even make myself feel at home in this body.

But, I can't just be ok with always having it in the back of my mind that I *should*:
-work out
-eat right
-treat myself better

I have to do. There is no try. (Thanks, Yoda)

I've made playlists, I've Pinterest'd, I've walked to the gym and stepped for 25 minutes. And I'll make myself go to the gym again tomorrow.

I used to not being able to move smoothly because of my arthritis. Well, that's manageable now. I used to just be depressed and a bit of a shut in. That's being managed, too.

I'll be adding the various smoothie/protein drink recipes here of what I'm drinking while typing this. Why? So that I can remember what I made and to see if I like it ;p

4/15 :
-white-cran-strawberry
-1/3 frozen raspberries
-1/3 blackberries
-3 cubes frozen pineapple juice.


Now I sign off with the song that's playing on my playlist and pray I do another good job of keeping at it tomorrow.

"....everyday I'm shufflin'"